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rikke_leonhart*
The first night in Osaka, Nino arrives just in time for Ohno’s concert to begin.
Ohno is sitting on the floor backstage and he’s simultaneously rotating his ankles, running through scales and fixing his earpieces. Nino loses his breath for a moment, because this is an Ohno he’s not sure he’s acquainted with, and Ohno’s eyes, dark and alive steal the air right from his lungs when he spots Nino from the other side of the stage. He doesn’t say anything, just continues his scales, and Nino is prepared to go to him when the curtain falls and Ohno steps on stage.
The lights blind Nino entirely.
*
“Bring souvenirs!” Aiba insists on the phone that night and Nino chuckles. He looks to Ohno, half-asleep on his stomach next to Nino.
“It’s Osaka, not China,” Nino says and reaches out to skim Ohno’s bones. He can hear Aiba pout, it’s a talent he has. Ohno opens an eye, lazy and boneless, drowsy and warm in ways he’s never when they’ve been apart. Nino drags his fingertips down Ohno’s spine, raising gooseflesh in their wake and Ohno trembles. Nino does it again, because he can, because he doesn’t need reason or permission to coax melodies from Ohno’s soul.
“Is Oh-chan there?”
Nino snorts. “Of course he is, are you stupid?”
Ohno giggles breathily and says, “Hi, Aiba-chan.”
“Nino, put me on speakerphone,” Aiba insists and then, “hey guys, Sho-chan’s here too! Say hi, Sho-chan!”
“Masaki,” Sho says in the background, vague and exasperated, and Nino already misses them much more than he’s been prepared for. “Nino, enjoy your vacation, okay?”
Nino wants to refute it, wants to say that it’s not vacation if they’re not both basking in freedom and endless hours, but he doesn’t, instead his fingers traces the dent of Ohno’s hip and smiles. “I will,” he says and he’s not entirely sure it’s just that he’s agreeing to. “And I’ll be busy here, so don’t expect too many calls.”
“Does that mean no souvenirs?”
“Idiot,” Nino breathes and hangs up before Aiba can present his entire heavy artillery of pouts. He lifts Ohno’s limp arm and scoots under it, speaks words he can’t decipher into Ohno’s skin and tries very hard not to think too much.
Ohno’s arm sweeps broadly against him. “You feel good,” he murmurs in sleep and Nino stops thinking.
*
The second and third concerts melt together, blend and blur, and Nino loses track of the different ways he can’t breathe when Ohno sings his songs.
He’s so proud, but he’s also aching.
Ohno has something. He is something, something that enthrals and enchants, cajoles and entices people, and something that terrifies people as well, and Nino theorizes that perhaps the fans are simply too scared to look away. On the third night he spots a young girl, slight and slender, and he watches her rapt attention on Ohno the entire concert.
When the concert ends and Ohno takes his bows and prepares to retreat, he openly changes his mind and crouches at the edge of the stage. He reaches for the girl and she’s crying, Nino realizes as his breath hitches, and when Ohno’s grasps her hand, she smiles.
It feels like he’s been punched in the gut.
*
“Sometimes,” Ohno says quietly in the car back to the hotel, one hand holding on to Nino’s, tight and clinging for reasons Nino doesn’t understand, “sometimes I’m afraid of you.”
Nino is still shaken, unknown and unacknowledged reasons nagging at the back of his mind, and he wants to both snatch his hand away and cling as fiercely to Ohno as Ohno is to him. “You frighten me, too.”
“I worry you’ll resent me,” Ohno admits on a hushed murmur. “In the end.”
Nino understands. “I worry you’ll stop meaning it,” he confesses in return, trading secrets like web between their fingers. “My songs don’t mean anything.” Unless it’s you.
“Nino, Nino,” Ohno whispers on a helpless, hopeful exhale and tugs at Nino until Nino tilts sideways on the backseat and slumps against Ohno’s shoulder. “By luck it was me.”
No, Nino’s mind supplies but he’s not brave enough to say it yet, not yet, cowardice peeking in, and he can’t resent Ohno for something he’s meant to do. Nino’s words soar under Ohno’s voice, it can’t be helped, and rather this than not at all. It doesn’t mean Nino’s grief is less worth.
“I’ll be okay,” Nino says and it’s a promise to them both, because one day he’ll be able to let go.
Ohno’s breath is warm on his forehead, fingertips circling around his ear, scratching the skin lightly. Ohno’s words are soothing, as if Nino has been wearing tender spots he didn’t know were sore.
When they finally get there, he pushes Ohno against the wall, presses them flush, and when they finally get to the bed, Nino plasters himself right against Ohno’s hot skin, and he wants to drown in everything Ohno is, everything good and safe and warm, slightly bitter but always, always home.
Ohno breathes harshly against his lips, breathes life and colour into Nino’s skin and beating heart. Ohno, for some unfathomable reason, has signed himself over to Nino and hasn’t looked back, and Nino doesn’t understand this idiocy, but he’s so so grateful and feels so lucky.
*
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Date: 2011-11-17 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-17 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-17 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-17 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-17 09:16 pm (UTC)I love the need, both from Ohno and Nino. It's a different kind of need, of craving, because their fears are different, but the magic of it is that it blends and fits perfectly... almost perfectly. It is bittersweet of course but which love is not - to some extent? Because the darkest sides of a relationship are what make it worth it and when they can share - without waiting/needing for answers or words of comfort - simply share one another's thoughts and hesitations it is the warmest feelings of all. The fears are still there, the questions and the craving as well but slowly it fades away.
"...because he doesn’t need reason or permission to coax melodies from Ohno’s soul." --> This sentence is extremely beautiful. It is romantic and poetic of course but it also tells us about what Nino wants and needs, who he is and what is their relationship. It talks about intimacy and freedom, trust and comfort. The sentence in itself is beautiful but the more I read it the more I can think of the multitude of ideas hidden underneath and I love wht it means even more than what it is at a first glance.
Thanks a lot for that magical bubble you give to us :)
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Date: 2011-11-27 06:25 pm (UTC)There's so much from this 'verse waiting to be written if I can find the words and the time, and I really really hope I will get at least five more pieces out before January.
I'm so happy (and not surprised, honestly) that you pick up on the neediness between them, and it's probably going to be an issue later, I haven't decided yet whether or not I'll tackle it, but who knows. There's a whole array of issues between them as weel as Nino having a huge thing to deal with, so. I hope I can do it all justice.
Thank you :)
Btw, I haven't forgotten your pm, I WILL answer as soon as I have a moment to sit down and write properly :)
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Date: 2011-11-18 02:01 am (UTC)/reads
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Date: 2011-11-27 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-27 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-27 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 07:27 pm (UTC)When the concert ends and Ohno takes his bows and prepares to retreat, he openly changes his mind and crouches at the edge of the stage. He reaches for the girl and she’s crying, Nino realizes as his breath hitches, and when Ohno’s grasps her hand, she smiles.
It feels like he’s been punched in the gut.
And so honest and raw and lovely.
And I like how you portrayed their relationship as something more... dark, in lack of a better word. Their love is too all-consuming, I suppose. ♥
Wonderful as always C:
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Date: 2012-02-21 10:16 am (UTC)Also while writing these pieces it was quite clear to me that Nino had something akin to a clinical depression going on, so yes, the darker nature of their relationship is entirely intended.