Fic: Anywhere Is 8/8
Sep. 12th, 2010 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Pairing(s): Ohno/Nino, Ohno/OFC, Nino/OFC
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Word count: ~4,800
Warning(s): Slash, het, angst in large doses
Summary: Two years ago, the world tilted. Now with the world almost having forced itself upright, it tilts again. Can four people make up for the five they used to be?
Author's Notes: It's the end! Huge thank yous to all the crazy Mods ♥ Thank you to Gati for handholding, Julia for lifesaving advice on kanji, Michelle for reaction-tests and Cally for moral support. I love you guys ;;__;;
| Earlier chapters |
*
Nino had no excuse for not going to the wedding if he didn’t want to come clean and confess the entire thing to the others. The idea was less than attractive. He stared at the offensive invitation every day, reminding of what was to happen in a week’s time. He didn’t want to.
It was as simple as that.
He really didn’t want to go. He felt so empty, so cheated, but also, in some horribly twisted way, he understood why Ohno had done what he had. Nino wasn’t sure he’d have been strong enough to say goodbye if the situations had been reversed.
Ohno himself was not reachable whatsoever in his Chinese refuge. Not that Nino had tried to contact him (not counting the several times he’d called and been met by the answering machine). But no matter how well Nino understood why Ohno had run again, he didn’t and couldn’t and wouldn’t (didn’t want to) understand how Ohno could go ahead and marry Fukumori-san.
Ohno had cheated on her.
Nino wondered if Ohno had told her. He snorted at the thought. “By the way, I cheated on you. With a man. Yeah, you know that Ninomiya guy? It was him.”
Nino also wondered how Miho would have reacted to that. It didn’t hurt to think about her anymore. Not so much, at least. It could’ve been the staggering pain that had rendered him unable to think clearly.
It was as if sleeping with Ohno a second time had cemented the fact that continuing the relationship with Miho, marrying her, would’ve been wrong and a huge mistake for both of them. He was just happy that he hadn’t cheated on her, hadn’t let things get so out of hand, even if he hadn’t realized at the time what it was that was wrong with him. And them.
He’d gotten both of them out relatively unscathed.
He just couldn’t stop thinking about Ohno and what they’d done. Nino was convinced; there was no doubt on his mind – what they had together could be beautiful if Ohno would just stop being an ass with ears, but as long as Nino didn’t fully understand what went on in Ohno’s head, there was nothing at all he could do.
However, above all, Nino didn’t understand how Ohno could face Fukumori-san, marry her in honesty and vow to protect her when he’d slept with someone else? Nino couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to find out his fiancée had cheated on him. He didn’t know how he’d react.
He hadn’t known it felt like this to be the “other woman.” The fundamental difference, though, (besides the obvious about Nino definitely not being a woman, in fact,) was that Ohno in no way had let Nino have any expectations of future encounters. It was pretty much a done deal.
He closed his eyes and remembered the look in Ohno’s eyes, the soft exhalations of breath when Nino had touched the memory of an accident passed. He’d looked gently pained, as if the remembrance alone was enough to cause him grief. Grief that Nino didn’t understand, and maybe couldn’t even begin to understand. Maybe it wasn’t the accident itself that caused pain to recall; Nino remembered Ohno divulging that he’d seen something that made him sad, and that that was why he’d gotten so drunk in the first place. It’d been more than a year now, since Ohno fell and shattered any hopes of returning to them as he’d been. But what could it have been? What had made Ohno want to drink? What was he trying to escape or forget?
Had it been something related to Arashi? Ohno had said that he’d followed Arashi’s activities while he’d been away, so maybe the answer was there. Had anything major happened that would cause him grief? Nino wrecked his brain.
Nothing.
He would call Jun – Jun, if anyone, would know. He knew the most about all of them. If he didn’t know, only then would Nino consider throwing his hands up in surrender.
“About the time of Ohno-kun’s accident?” Jun sounded perplexed. “But we don’t even know the exact date.”
Nino shifted, the phone pressed between his shoulder and cheek as he skimmed through the sparse collection of magazines he’d kept. It wasn’t a lot, but it was worth a try. “I only know it’s more than a year ago. February, maybe. March. Maybe even April.”
Jun sighed, the sound stark and crackling through the phone. “Nino, what is this about?”
I don’t even really know, Nino wanted to say, but he knew Jun would want more than that. A lot more, preferably. “Something he mentioned one day. He keeps saying ‘a year ago’, as if it has significance, so it has to mean something more than just a random date.”
He kept track of Jun’s breath, counted the seconds as Jun thought, backtracked through their activities. “Nino,” he began carefully – Nino could hear the soft exhalations, “nothing really happened to us a year ago. Nothing noteworthy. We released a single in March and that’s about it.”
Nino exhaled slowly, refusing to acknowledge the disappointment as it settled. He skimmed another magazine before putting it down. He leaned back and for several long seconds, he could only hear Jun’s expectant breath.
“I know you’re disappointed,” Jun said softly, then, but really, Nino thought, Jun had no way of knowing just how disappointed he actually was. “Do you want to tell me why this bothers you so much?”
That translated, roughly, to; Are you sure this isn’t something I need to know?
Nino was very sure, yes. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what the magnitude of the consequences would be and what it would mean to them all. He was pretty sure that Jun wouldn’t forgive either of them for being stupid enough to not only jeopardize, but also ruin everything they’d worked for for more than a decade. Jun would kill them.
They deserved to know, all of them. It was their future, too, Arashi’s future, that they’d destroyed with one night, and they all deserved to know just what had happened. Nino just wasn’t brave enough to face them alone. He hoped that one day, Ohno would stand beside him and tell them why he’d left, why they’d done what they had.
“Nino?”
Jun’s voice made him sigh. It was too easy to get lost in the endless possibilities and what-ifs. Way too easy.
“Nino, are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Nino returned, even if it sounded flat to his own ears. There was truly nothing he could do. If not even Jun could come to think of an event that would make Ohno want to drink and forget, then it was no use. “Thank you, though, for your help.”
Jun made a protesting sound but didn’t say anything. What could he say? “Call me if you need help.”
Nino nodded even though Jun couldn’t see it, but he was convinced that Jun understood. They hadn’t known each other for so many years for nothing. When they hung up, Nino felt like banging his head into something. It was no use. It felt wrong to give up, but he had no way of knowing how to proceed. Jun had been something of a last resort.
He sat back, stretching his legs, and he pushed the magazines away with his feet.
Then he straightened, stricken, feeling his heartbeat accelerate as his eyes took in the cover story of a newspaper he’d saved. Could it really be… that? And if it was, what did that even mean? He reached out, gingerly, and he tried to steady his shaking hands. Could he be selfish enough to assume that it had all been about him?
Was it that simple? It seemed so simple it was absurd.
He checked the date – March. It fit. It couldn’t be a coincidence, but Nino prayed that it was. Even as he thought about it, his eyes stung bitterly. He blinked rapidly – he wouldn’t cry, not over this, but if he wasn’t, then what was worth crying over? These tears were for the spilled chances, for everything Ohno had hidden and Nino had overlooked.
He blinked more, angrily. There was no one to blame but themselves for this mess. How could he have been so blind? But it was too late now. Ohno Satoshi was going to marry Fukumori Eri in a week and there was nothing he could do.
It was so obvious. More than a year ago. More than a year ago. A year ago.
He sighed, defeated, and stared down on the bold headline, stared at the picture of himself beneath it.
Is Ninomiya in a serious relationship?
*
Nino had never imagined Ohno getting married in a church. To be honest, though, he’d never imagined Ohno getting married at all. He looked up at the church – modest but pretty, and even from outside, Nino knew that it was Ohno’s choice of venue. It reeked of simplicity and Ohno.
Honestly, Nino didn’t know what he was doing here or how he was going to pull this off. He was convinced that the moment he saw Ohno, he’d be reminded of tender and heated touches shared in his darkened bedroom. But it didn’t matter, because Ohno was hell bent on marrying this woman and Nino wouldn’t protest. He’d said his objections, done what he could and it hadn’t changed a thing.
The chance had been missed. He hadn’t even noticed it flying past.
A hand closed around his elbow and he looked up at Aiba’s face.
“Let’s get inside before someone sees us,” he murmured and Nino agreed. It was low-key enough to not attract any unwanted attention, but they could never be too sure. Nino was pretty certain that Ohno’s press conference months ago hadn’t revealed any details of an upcoming wedding.
Better safe than sorry even if Nino for a split-second wished that the press would get something to talk about. He chuckled dryly. He was being mean.
“You’re doing that creepy thing,” Aiba informed him lowly, but he was grinning. “You look scary.”
“I am scary,” Nino agreed as they climbed the few steps to the church, “even if I’m no match for Matsujun.”
Aiba laughed. “He’s in a class of his own.”
And wasn’t that the truth. After all, wasn’t Jun almost the entire reason why he hadn’t told any of them about everything they’d done? The prospect of facing Jun’s disappointment seemed much worse than facing a lifetime of regret for not stopping Ohno or doing anything about it. Jun loved them all so much. If Nino could make someone not regret this entire mess, Arashi was deserving of it.
Inside the church, he realized that most people were in place already.
“Jun-kun and Sho-kun are already here,” Aiba said softly, steering him the right way to their seats. “They’re talking to Leader.”
Nino’s heart skipped in disappointment. He’d somehow hoped that Ohno just wouldn’t show up at all. It was also really annoying that they all apparently assumed that Nino wouldn’t want to talk to Ohno now before the actual ceremony. They assumed rightly, but that was beside the point.
“You look like you’re going to a funeral,” Aiba remarked, his voice concerned, and Nino plastered a smile on his face even knowing that Aiba would see right through it. “You have to smile. It’s a wedding. It’s Oh-chan’s wedding.”
“Funeral, wedding, it might be the same thing,” he muttered and pressed his knuckles to Aiba’s in apology. Aiba wasn’t deserving of his gloom and bad temper.
“We’re going to talk, after this,” Aiba returned, glancing at him as they sat down. “You’re not being yourself. Something is wrong.”
Nino shrugged. Everything was wrong, not just something. It would only be an hour now, and then everything would be a mess, but one he couldn’t get out of even if he tried. He was just irrationally relieved that this wasn’t his own wedding, because then something had been very wrong. Ohno might have done a lot of shitty things lately, but at least he’d saved Nino from making a huge mistake and dooming himself and Miho to being wrong for the rest of their lives, because Nino just didn’t do divorces. It simply wasn’t an option.
He was saved from further comments by Jun’s arrival. He looked grim, face pale and set.
“What’s happening?”
Jun shook his head almost imperceptibly. “I hope he’s not doing the wrong thing.”
Aiba drew himself forward so he could look at Jun properly. “Where’s Sho-chan?”
“Still with Satoshi-kun. I think he’ll throw himself in the way if Satoshi bolts for the door.”
Aiba chuckled, but it was an uncertain amusement. “Is he that nervous?”
“I don’t think nervous quite cuts it,” Jun quipped and glanced at Nino. “It’s not that he doesn’t want to, I think, it’s more that he’s realized the magnitude of everything.”
“That’s Ohno Satoshi for you,” Nino inserted quietly. “But he’ll do it because he set his mind to it. You know how he is.”
He made a quick decision. “I’ll be right back.”
“Nino,” Jun hissed, apparently very well aware of where Nino was headed, but despite his obvious misgivings, he didn’t do anything stop Nino from passing him and leaving their seats. He ducked his head as he walked past the other guests, ignoring glances. Just about everyone was seated now, so why would he be heading in the opposite direction?
He ducked into a side door, and he immediately spotted Sho, leaning against a wall, his arms crossed. As he entered the room, Sho looked up and he nodded at him.
“Where’s- Oh, Oh-chan.”
Ohno stood there, looking positively edible in his dark grey suit and white shirt. He looked as if he’d seen a ghost.
“Nino,” Ohno said, almost in disbelief, almost as if he couldn’t believe Nino actually showed up. He hadn’t seen Ohno since they’d slept together, and he’d been right – the memory burnt along his skin with invisible intensity. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here,” Nino said smoothly. “I wouldn’t miss my Leader’s wedding.”
Ohno swallowed visibly and then looked down as if he couldn’t quite meet Nino’s eyes.
“I’ll go out to the others,” Sho said softly from the side, and he stepped up to clasp Ohno’s shoulder, hug him briefly. Nino thought it looked like Sho was trying to give him strength.
Even if he’d been blind, Nino would’ve been able to see the tension in Ohno’s body. He was highly strung, like a bow. Jun was right; he did look like he was ready to bolt at any moment as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
“You’re not thinking of running, are you?”
Ohno took a deep breath. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t now. I owe everything to her.”
“Can you do this, though?” Nino had to admit that maybe he wasn’t as done as he’d thought with trying to convince Ohno that this was a bad idea. “Have you told her?”
“Don’t be stupid,” Ohno hissed lowly and looked up. “Would you?”
“Tell your fiancée? Yes, of course,” Nino said airily, but he turned serious when he saw Ohno’s answering frown. “It’s not about me anymore. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ohno frowned in confusion.
“About the accident,” Nino clarified softly. “That you’d seen the pictures of me and Miho.”
It was a long shot; Nino wasn’t entirely sure that this was what had made Ohno drink to forget, but he had nothing to lose now. Absolutely nothing. If he couldn’t convince Ohno not to marry Fukumori, then there were no more chances of getting him back to Arashi either.
He had absolutely nothing more to lose.
Clenching his jaw, Ohno averted his eyes and Nino’s widened.
“Am I right? Was that why you got so drunk?”
Apparently, Ohno had also come to the realization that they had nothing more to lose, because he uncrossed his arms, shrugging. “Wouldn’t you want to forget? Knowing that the person in the world that you never wanted to hurt, but had anyway, had moved on?”
“But I told you,” Nino insisted, short on breath, suddenly, “you didn’t hurt me!”
“I didn’t know that at the time,” Ohno objected. “And I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to be happy for you, but it was difficult. In the end, I could’ve handled it better than I did. I met Eri because of that. It wasn’t a complete disaster after all.”
“She’s turned you into someone else,” Nino insisted. “Don’t you see? She hates Arashi. How can you marry a girl who doesn’t like us? Not us persons, but what we are? What you are, still, somewhere.”
“Can you blame her?” Ohno managed to say before someone knocked on the door.
“Ohno-san, are you alright in there?”
“I’ll be out shortly,” Ohno returned, turning back to Nino. “You can’t fault her for not wanting to get tangled up in that industry.”
“She should have been aware of that before she got involved with you. The risk of being found out has been there from the beginning. She can’t not have known.”
“She doesn’t love the industry. She loves me. There’s a difference. Should I repay her with returning to the industry, in which I probably wouldn’t even be able to function anymore?”
Nino walked up to him, half-expecting him to step back, half-hoping he’d stay in place. “What do you owe her? Why does she have this hold over you?”
Ohno tilted his head in clear annoyance. “I love her. I’m in love with her. Is that so hard to believe?”
“Do you love her like you love me?”
It wasn’t fair for him to ask, but he had nothing to lose.
Ohno definitely wasn’t expecting that question, and he opened and closed his mouth several times. “I’m in love with her.”
“Not what I’m asking,” Nino pressed, stepping closer and gripping Ohno’s arms. “Are you in love with me?”
Ohno was silent, and then, softly, quietly, almost inaudible. Vulnerable like glass; “Yes.”
All fight drained from Nino’s body. He’d been waiting to hear that for years, but now that he had it fresh in mind, confirmed for his heart to rejoice, he only felt overwhelmingly empty.
“I owe her to stay and fight for this,” Ohno continued. “I’m in love with two people, but I can’t have both. I owe my life to her. I can’t fail her now when she saved me from going insane. I thought, that if you could move on with someone, then I could, too.”
“But I didn’t move on,” Nino murmured, letting his arms fall. “I never did. You should’ve stayed.”
“I know, but I didn’t. We can’t go back, no matter how much we want to,” Ohno said softly, “things are as they are and we can’t change them now. She deserves the best of what I can give to her, and I’ll try my best.”
“What if – what if you can’t give her your best, even if you try?” Nino began feebly.
Ohno was shaking his head even before Nino had finished speaking. “There’s no room for failure. I have to succeed.”
“You already failed, Satoshi. You cheated on her. Do you call that success?”
He hadn’t meant to rip up in everything when he’d headed here – or had he? He wasn’t sure anymore. Everything since Ohno’s return had thrown him so off kilter that he simply didn’t know anymore.
“I’m not proud of that,” Ohno murmured.
Nino pressed on. “But do you regret it? Did you intend on making me feel used? Because you did succeed with that.”
Ohno looked stricken as if he’d gotten burnt, and he recoiled. “No!”
“Then what?! Don’t do this to me if you intend on pulling away and hurting me afterwards. I can’t do this anymore, Oh-chan. It’s too hard.”
It was weird – liberating and releasing to finally talk and not have to think about what to omit and what to think and which subjects to avoid. If only the circumstances could’ve been so different. It felt like all the odds were working against him, even as he kicked and screamed and tried to keep his head above water.
“I didn’t think–”
“It’s pretty clear you didn’t think,” Nino thundered, finally getting release for his anger that had built up for too long. “How could you do this? And how can you continue doing this to Fukumori-san?”
With each spoken word, Ohno looked like he was on his way to be executed, but Nino had no mercy.
“I don’t even know anymore.”
“I love you,” Ohno said, but it was clear that he wasn’t expecting an answering sentiment, an echo of what could have been, once upon a time.
“Yeah yeah,” Nino shrugged. “I’ll see you out there.”
The last he heard before the door closed behind him was; “Goodbye, Kazu.”
It was all he could do not to look back.
*
He watched himself sit down between Jun and Aiba. He watched himself fend off any concerned comments and frowns and stares. The hushed whispers in the church sounded like buzzing to his ears, and he just slumped down in his seat.
When the whispers heightened and a collective gasp went through the seated guests, he thought here comes the bride.
Then he sat up, bolted upright. He stared at the altar.
Something was wrong. Ohno wasn’t there yet.
“He’ll be here,” someone whispered, it might’ve been Sho, but Nino wasn’t paying attention, not really.
He stood up and turned – turned to look at the radiant bride. She was breathtaking. She looked every inch the bride that girls grew up wanting to be.
She wasn’t smiling.
Nino prayed that he was wrong.
Fukumori-san was clenching her bouquet, the beautiful red and pink flowers held against her magnificent gown. She really was stunning, Nino thought with absurdity.
And as he watched, he realized that she was crying. Silent tears, no less heart wrenching, and Nino had never seen anything as powerful as the thin black tear tracks down her cheeks, her downturned, parted mouth. Her flushed face was bitterly beautiful in her misery.
In that moment in time, Nino realized that she was just a woman in love. She hadn’t kept Ohno from Arashi out of malice. It felt good somehow to realize that, and she hadn’t deserved this.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice surprisingly clear and steady in the small space of the church.
“The wedding is off.”
Around him, the guests had started getting up, words of alarm and sympathy and scandal.
Nino bolted.
*
“You wouldn’t,” Nino snapped, opening the door to Ohno’s apartment. “You’re not running away again.”
“Watch me,” Ohno murmured, keeping his back turned to Nino. He’d only gotten here mere minutes before Nino, but he’d already managed so much. The apartment looked a haphazard mess. Nino gasped when Ohno turned, apparently having found what he was looking for.
Ohno was clutching his passport in his hand.
“You’re not leaving again!”
Ohno laughed darkly. “And why not?”
“Because I’ll stop you before you get three steps towards the door.”
Nino knew that he would do it. This time, Ohno wasn’t getting away from him no matter how hard Ohno fought to get away.
“Why does it matter to you,” Ohno asked, turning back to the bag on the floor, “whether I stay or go? You made it very clear.”
“What did I make clear? That I’m disappointed in you? That I keep thinking that you’re better than that? That I don’t appreciate you telling me you love me two years too late!”
“It was always too late,” Ohno returned, bending to grab the bag. Nino saw his legs shake. “I have no place here, now. I have to go. I have to go before someone comes looking for me.”
“I’m already here,” Nino said seriously. “I came looking for you. Jun and Aiba will be here soon. Sho-chan, too. We care. We want you to be happy.”
“Kazu,” Ohno replied, just as seriously, “you have to let me go this time. Everything here will end with broken hearts.”
“That’s not true! Why do you insist on not caring how we feel about this? We don’t care that you ran from your wedding,” and even as Ohno winced, Nino continued, “I don’t care. You said you love me. Is that true?”
It was with satisfying honesty Nino heard Ohno say, “Yes.”
“Then stay with me. Stay with me and forgive me for all the things I’ve said and done to you.”
Ohno exhaled, shaken. “I don’t know if I can stay. This is too much.”
“It’s too little,” Nino denied. “It’s easy. You love me or you don’t.”
“I love you,” Ohno repeated and Nino thought he was going to burst. “But loving you isn’t easy.”
“I don’t care,” Nino walked briskly up to Ohno, grabbing the passport and threw it to the side. “It’s us or it’s out of here forever.”
“Us,” Ohno tasted the word slowly, but he still looked like he would escape at any given chance. Nino trapped his arms, gripping them tightly. Ohno dropped the bag in his hand. “Arashi or…you and I?”
“Whatever you want us to be. I love you, Oh-chan, you can’t seriously believe I don’t, not after all this crap we’ve been putting each other through for too long. If you leave now, then leave and don’t come near me. It hurts.”
“Are you in love with me?”
Nino couldn’t find it in him to deny it anymore. There was no reason to. From now on and forward in time, it was all or nothing. “Yes.”
“You have no reason to be,” Ohno said, but his tone was softer, his words losing momentum and then he was looking small and young and fragile. “I have nowhere to go.”
Nino smiled and it felt like he’d never smiled before. “I know a place. And we need to explain.”
Ohno looked away and then he dropped down to get the bag again. He straightened and looked directly at Nino, and it sent shivers down Nino’s spine, because this was Ohno. Ohno wasn’t being held back anymore. This was it, the moment Nino had been waiting for.
It could be right. The chance hadn’t brushed past him.
He grabbed Ohno’s hand.
“Let’s go.”
*
*
Epilogue
No sounds, only baited breaths.
Ohno stepped forward, slowly. Gracefully. Not losing a single step. Stubbornness.
Nino was certain he was glowing with pride.
He’d stood by Ohno’s side as he’d apologized formally to Fukumori’s parents, stood by as silent support when he’d braved the consequences his actions had caused. He’d been standing right there with Ohno when they’d finally come clean. He’d trusted Ohno when he’d let Ohno go to talk to Jun.
He was there when Ohno had problems getting to his feet.
Ohno hadn’t turned back, not even once. He hadn’t tried to run. He’d stayed.
“Thank you for coming,” Ohno said, bowing low, and when he straightened up, he looked out. Nino knew he was trying to distinguish all the faces, but it was impossible. The strong lights were blinding him, and it’d been such a long time.
“I…don’t really know what to say. There are so many things I should say, but not all of them are easy. I should start with the most obvious one. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what I put you through. I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused for everyone.”
He bowed again.
Nino stepped closer to Aiba who already had an arm around Jun.
Ohno’s honesty was a beautiful thing to behold. “I’m so grateful for all of you turning up even though I’m not what I used to be. I was irresponsible. I don’t know what you’ve heard or what you think, but I wasn’t strong enough. I’m grateful to be given this chance again, to stand here and sing with you. Thank you.”
Nino could see Ohno’s frame tremble ever so slightly. “And to the ones I love and caused pain… I’m so sorry.”
Nino knew why Ohno wasn’t facing Arashi for this – it would be too much of a dead giveaway. But Nino still felt the words even if the apologetic and regretful words had reached his heart already.
Ohno turned to face the four of them, and Nino reached for Sho, and as Ohno stepped up to them, Nino smiled encouragingly. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve caused you pain. I might continue to hurt you and others with my selfishness. As expected, I couldn’t let you go. But… let’s try it. One more time.”
Nino reached behind Aiba to poke at Jun, because the camera was on him, and Jun looked like he was ready to bawl.
Jun let out a startled yelp, and the magic was broken.
But Ohno was still there.
*