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rikke_leonhart) wrote2009-10-02 02:48 pm
Fic: Careless, Senseless, Kiss Me Breathless, part two
Pairing(s): Ohmiya, slight Ohno/Yuuka
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Wordcount: 6,459
Summary: Loveless!Arashi. Prequel to Hairballs. To put it mildly, Nino is not happy about Ohno dating someone else.
Author's Notes: Idk. Humour me :D
*
Nino felt dizzy. He didn’t know where his feet were taking him, but he didn’t care as long as it was away – away from the harsh reality that was him ruining everything. Big time.
He’d had it, for five glorious seconds, until his cowardice to own up to his own feelings had kicked in. He vividly remembered Ohno’s hurt eyes when he’d said “sorry” and closed the door in his face. He knew he’d hurt Ohno, hurt him so much that Ohno had distanced himself, but he didn’t know how to make everything all better, right, like it was supposed to be. However, he didn’t blame Ohno one bit. He’d told Nino how he felt and Nino had basically told him to go shove it, so Nino didn’t hold it against Ohno at all for moving on.
He just hadn’t thought that Ohno would move on.
He very nearly tripped over the curb of the sidewalk as he crossed the street and he cursed himself. He had selfishly hoped that he could keep Ohno close; close enough that no one else would set their eyes on Ohno and succeed in drawing him away. He’d failed. Instead of keeping the older boy close, he had turned Ohno’s earnest heart and feelings away and Ohno had now found someone who wanted everything he would give.
It wasn’t fair, a bitter voice whispered in his mind. Ohno wasn’t for anyone else.
But Nino was scared. Ohno had said ‘love’ and ‘me and you’ and spoken of ‘us’ and ‘forever’ like it was something that was meant to be, and it had scared the shit out of him. Knowing that he liked Ohno and kind of believed in Ohno’s promise of forever was one thing; being confronted with it up close and personal was something entirely else. Quite frankly, it was terrifying. But not nearly as terrifying as the thought of Ohno with someone else.
Irrationally, he wondered if he’d ever see Ohno’s ears again, stroke the soft and silken fur like he’d done countless times before. Would Ohno even want him to, would Ohno allow him that close?
Yuuka was in Ohno’s life now, and Nino feared that he’d come to school one day to find out that Ohno had lost his ears, because that would mean that Nino had lost all chances with the older boy. That Ohno had given away a part of him that Nino had been wishing and wanting to receive for years, and that he couldn’t give his own ears to Ohno. He wanted it so bad he could taste it.
He had hoped that Ohno would understand that he was scared. Scared that Ohno would bail on him, would run away as fast as he could when Nino opened up. Honestly, Nino knew that Ohno wouldn’t do that, would never hurt him intentionally, but he couldn’t fight against his instinct of protecting himself at any cost.
The cost this time had been Ohno.
But hiding behind the low wall leading up to their table, listening to Sho talk to Jun about Ohno’s date had shaken him. Ohno was taking this girl out on dates, was kissing her, was seriously planning on introducing her to his mom. It was serious.
Nino buried his hands deeper in his pockets. Just when had he decided that it was the best thing for everyone if he told Ohno that he wasn’t interested? What had he been trying to accomplish? All he had now was an aching heart and three friends that would tiptoe around him every time Ohno was mentioned. Was that what he wanted? No, he admitted ruefully. He hadn’t really thought it through that day Ohno had come to him.
Hell, he wasn’t even sure he had been thinking at all.
But things couldn’t stay the way they were now. He felt like he was breathing underwater, slowly suffocating under the weight of what he had done to himself and Ohno and to their friendship. He could only hope that Ohno would listen, give him the chance that he had denied Ohno.
His feet changed direction and he set for Ohno’s house. He hoped Ohno was home. He hoped Ohno would let him in. And listen. And understand.
He hoped that Ohno was more than he himself had been.
*
Taking a deep breath to steel his resolve and calm his nerves, he raised his hand, poised to knock, but he hesitated. It had to be the fucking hardest thing he’d ever done. Besides what he should say when, if, Ohno opened the door.
He had to make things right, fix them. Or at least try.
One more deep breath, inhale, exhale. The tight knot in his stomach felt heavy and unrelenting. Nino knocked, three short rapt knocks, and he was simultaneously caught between hoping Ohno didn’t hear it and hoping that Ohno was somehow, miraculously, waiting for him.
He waited with baited breath, silently counting the seconds. When he reached forty and nothing had happened, he frowned. This wasn’t right
He knocked again, harder, and restarted his count. When the door still wasn’t opened for him, he resigned himself to the fact that Ohno hadn’t been waiting for him after all, that he was probably out with Yuuka, still. So he knocked again and kept knocking, just because he could. He had no doubt that if the neighbors saw him, they’d think he was an idiot, but that was alright, because he already felt like one.
Having resigned himself to the fact that no one was home, he was thoroughly shocked when the door opened under his fingers and he was left gaping at the person behind the door. Ohno.
“Nino,” Ohno said, staring at him, holding the door almost closed behind him, and he looked mussed, his hair messy and his face flushed a healthy rosy color.
“Oh-chan,” Nino breathed, his fingers itching to reach out. He took a step back. “Can we talk?”
Ohno lowered his head slightly before looking back into the house, and Nino shuddered at the realization that Yuuka might be inside. He took one look at Ohno’s appearance and felt as if he might choke. His eyes shot upwards and he heaved a sigh of relief when he saw two cat ears. But just because Ohno hadn’t lost them yet didn’t mean he would listen to Nino. If Nino was honest, he wouldn’t listen to himself, either.
Ohno stepped completely outside after a moment, shutting the door closed behind him with a quiet click. He was still looking down when he nodded curtly.
The heavy knot in Nino’s stomach tightened unpleasantly and he clenched his fists. He had so much he wanted to say, but how to start? Perhaps he should start with the obvious.
“I’m sorry,” he started, the words spilling honestly from his lips, “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Ohno shrugged but didn’t look up. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not,” Nino returned, his palms sweaty. He wished Ohno would look at him. “I… I hate that you’re with Yuuka-chan.”
Ohno didn’t react to that other than his ears twitching slightly.
“And I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have shut the door in your face.”
“Maybe not,” Ohno said softly, crossing his arms slowly. “But you did.”
“I’m sorry,” Nino said, feeling desperation around the edges of his mind, “What can I say to make you listen?”
“I’m listening,” Ohno said, uncrossing his arms and looking up for the first time. Now Nino rather wished he hadn’t looked up, since now he was face to face with Ohno’s piercing eyes. He knew Ohno wouldn’t take any crap from him now.
He wet his lips to buy some time. “Oh-chan, I want to go back and change what I did and said that day. I know I can’t, but I want to so badly it hurts. It hurts that we’re not talking, that we’re not how we used to be.”
“Do you want to go back to what we were before?” Ohno asked, his voice still soft, and he lowered his eyes again.
“Yes- no! I mean,” he rambled, “I want to go back to that day to react differently.”
“You can’t,” Ohno stated gently, but his there was an underlying note of steel in his voice and Nino visibly flinched.
“I just want to tell you I love you,” Nino felt like he was pleading, but he didn’t care. “I love you and I wanted to tell you the day you told me. I’m sorry I didn’t say it.”
“Nino-” Ohno began, but Nino cut him off.
“No, let me talk, okay? When you told me how you felt, I was happy, did you know? No, right? Because I slammed the door, but all I wanted was to say it back.”
Ohno shifted slightly but didn’t speak.
“I was afraid it was a sick joke,” Nino admitted, lowering his eyes in shame, “but I know you wouldn’t do that to me. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t the same and if you weren’t with me, but it kills me that you’re with someone else. I hate it. It’s not even that it’s Yuuka, it could be anyone, I just don’t like it.”
“Nino,” Ohno said sharply and Nino looked up again.
“I’m in love with you, Oh-chan,” he said honestly, “and I want you to love me back.”
Ohno shook his head slightly. “And if I don’t?”
“Then I just want a chance,” Nino stepped a bit closer, “to make you fall in love with me again.”
Ohno was silent and Nino felt something in his chest shatter. “And even if you don’t want to give me that chance,” Nino tried to keep his voice steady, “I’ll just love you.”
“Nino,” Ohno said, his voice unreadable, and Nino didn’t want to look at him, so he looked away instead.
“You should go back inside,” Nino said hoarsely, stepping back, and his breath hitched when he saw Ohno move out of the corner of his eyes. Ohno made for the door and opened it. “To Yuuka-chan.”
“Nino,” Ohno repeated and as Nino still refused to look up, a pair of sock clad feet entered his vision and he looked up. Ohno was smiling faintly. His fingers tugged at Nino’s wrist.
The door to Ohno’s house was open and he was lead inside. As soon as the door closed behind him, arms wrapped around his waist from the back, and he felt Ohno’s body pressed to his back, holding him tightly.
“I like Yuuka-chan,” Ohno said quietly, “but I love you.”
Nino bit back a sob, but he suspected Ohno felt it anyway. His fingers reached up to wrap around Ohno’s and he squeezed. Ohno’s lips met the skin of his neck and he gripped Ohno’s hands tighter.
“But she’s here, right?”
Nino felt Ohno shake his head. “I was asleep just now.”
The tight knot in his stomach uncoiled at those words; now Ohno’s appearance made sense. Nino had woke him up, he hadn’t been making out with Yuuka. He turned in Ohno’s arms, wrapping his own around Ohno’s neck, pulling him closer and he buried his face in the skin in he found there. Ohno brushed his lips over his cheek and he turned his head, and then they were kissing, tentatively, awkwardly at first, but it felt good.
Ohno’s arms were tight around him, holding him in place and making him feel secure, and Nino couldn’t believe how much of an idiot he’d been to almost miss out on this. Ohno’s lips were warm and inviting, and their mouths slid wetly against each other, the only sound in the room besides their sighs and ragged breaths.
Nino hesitantly placed his hands on Ohno’s hips, hearing Ohno hum his acquiesce, and he squeezed gently. The grip turned possessive with the comprehension that followed; that Ohno was here with him.
Ohno pulled away only to kiss his neck, the line of his jaw up to the soft and sensitive skin beneath his ear, back again to his chin and his mole, and Nino couldn’t do much else than tilt his head back, eyes closed, and sigh in pleasure at Ohno’s administrations. He let out a whiny noise of protest when Ohno drew his attentions away from Nino’s skin and tugged at his hands.
“My room,” Ohno offered and Nino chuckled. Some sight they must have made, just inside the door to the house. Nino frowned, thinking.
“Your parents aren’t home, right?”
Ohno made a sound of ‘you’re such an idiot’ but said, “No, come on.”
Inside Ohno’s room, Nino usually always looked for any new drawings or figures, but today, he couldn’t bring himself to draw away from Ohno’s kisses.
Ohno was sucking gently on Nino’s lower lip and was pushing him backwards, slowly so Nino could protest, which he had no intention of doing, until the bed met the back of his knees, and he sat down promptly, looking up at Ohno. He let out a shaky breath when Ohno’s hands cupped his face, thumbs stroking over his cheeks. Ohno let his fingers run through Nino’s hair briefly before he walked over and closed the blinds, dimming the room.
Nino was grateful for the semi darkness.
He eyed Ohno as the older boy stepped back to him, hands coming to rest on his shoulders, pushing back and lowering Nino to the bed, and Nino forced himself to relax.
“It’s just me,” Ohno murmured and Nino nodded. He knew, but it was still nerve wrecking. An hour earlier, he wouldn’t even have dreamed of being allowed this close to Ohno.
Ohno’s weight on him felt heavy in a deliciously comfortable way, he felt steady, stable and safe. When Ohno shifted atop him, Nino automatically opened his legs to accommodate Ohno’s bony knees, and he was rewarded with another trail of kisses along his jaw line. His fingers clutched desperately for something, anything, to hold on to, because it felt so good, Ohno felt amazing on him, but his mind was nearing ‘it’s-too-much’ and he wanted to hold on for as long as he could.
“Oh-chan,” he choked out when Ohno pulled back slightly for air, and Nino’s fingers slid up and tangled in Ohno’s hair, his nails raking gently, and they ended by Ohno’s ears, cupping them as if they were precious porcelain. Ohno closed his eyes, humming, and Nino tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. This was what he had dreamt of for years.
“I want you,” Ohno confessed quietly, and even if Nino hadn’t been convinced by Ohno’s actions already, it felt good to hear the words.
“I want you to have me,” he replied in a hushed tone, scratching Ohno’s ears lightly, and he went on to admit, “I was so scared I wouldn’t get to see your ears again.”
Ohno’s eyes were gentle and genuine, and he reached up to brush his fingers against Nino’s own set of sensitive ears. “They’re yours to take anytime you want.”
Nino nodded slowly. “And if I want them now?”
“Then you’ll have them now.”
Nino pressed his lips to Ohno’s and loved the feeling of Ohno holding their bodies so tight, so close that there was no space between them. Ohno’s fingers dipped just under his shirt, skating over his stomach, and Nino shivered when Ohno gripped the hem of his shirt and tugged it upwards.
“You too,” Nino declared and Ohno sat up on his knees in response, reaching behind himself to pull at the shirt and up over his head. Goosebumps broke out all over Nino’s skin when his naked chest met Ohno’s broader one, and Nino allowed his fingers to run over Ohno’s toned back. Ohno had always been more solid and filled out than he was, Nino knew that, but he was still fascinated with how well put together Ohno was. Ohno’s hands were on his chest, dexterous fingers finding more sensitive spots than he knew he had, and when those fingers were followed by wet lips, lower and lower, Nino’s own fingers sunk into Ohno’s hair on their own accord.
Nino instinctively curved upwards from the bed against Ohno when Ohno aligned their bodies once more and tentatively ground down against him, and, encouraged by the reaction, did it again and again until Nino was panting and begging for his pants to miraculously disappear, because they felt way too tight and uncomfortable despite, or maybe because of, the friction between them.
Ohno raised himself up a bit and Nino wasted no time in opening Ohno’s belt and Ohno’s pants and then pushing them down, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his boxers and sliding them down, too. Nino’s ears pinked.
He’d seen Ohno naked before, but this was so different. Ohno was murmuring soothing and nonsensical words as he coaxed Nino out of his own pants, and when Ohno stretched out on top of Nino, Nino wrapped his arms tightly around Ohno’s neck, tangling their legs and kissing Ohno with all he had. The realization of the magnitude of what they were about to give up, the last definite shred of what marked them as children, sunk in as they kissed, slow, deep kisses, but Nino didn’t care that everyone would be able to see it.
He only cared that he got to have Ohno and that Ohno wanted him. He was nervous, but he knew he didn’t have to say it, because Ohno hadn’t done this before, either.
Ohno was calm, though, where he was twittering with nerves, and he appreciated that Ohno was keeping himself calm for him. Smoothing slightly sweaty palms down Ohno’s shoulder blades, Nino took a deep breath that was meant to be encouraging, but came out in a shudder, and Ohno smiled against his mouth, kissing him sweetly.
“Nino,” he said with a voice that suggested he was at loss of words, and Nino felt warm all over, his skin tingling where Ohno’s fingertips touched him.
Nino had no real knowledge about how sex was supposed to work between them, (because Aiba’s ‘Let’s-watch-gay-porn-so-you-know-what-you’re-doing-with-Oh-chan’-strategy had been well meant but traumatizing, and had left Nino with the dread of ‘you’re going to stick that WHERE?’) but he had confidence that Ohno wouldn’t hurt him on purpose.
After a brief trip to the bathroom, Ohno had propped pillows under his hips and Nino felt slightly bashful, completely on display for Ohno, but the older boy was just running his fingers over the skin on the inside of his thighs, still murmuring gently and coaxing his legs upwards.
“I only have lotion,” Ohno whispered apologetically, but Nino couldn’t even bring himself to care. “I didn’t expect-”
Ohno cut himself off as he looked away, his cheeks dusted with a lovely shade of red, and Nino found Ohno’s wrist with his fingers, squeezing.
Ohno’s eyes said I’ll be careful, and Nino gave a shaky nod in response.
The cold lotion did nothing to calm Nino, and it was strange to have fingers touch his butt like that, but Ohno’s other hand was holding on to Nino’s hip, stroking the hip bone, and that calmed him down enough to let one finger slid past the ring of muscle, and he gasped in surprise.
Ohno leaned down and kissed him hotly, swallowing the noise of strange discomfort from Nino’s mouth as he slid his finger deeper inside. It wasn’t painful, just strange, but Nino was mostly distracted from the feel of Ohno’s fingers with how good of a job Ohno was doing in kissing him silent. Ohno’s hands weren’t shaking, but Nino could tell that Ohno was anxious with how his brows were furrowed, and Nino brought his own trembling hand up to smooth over Ohno’s forehead.
Nino’s breath hitched when Ohno tentatively added another finger and his hand slid from Ohno’s forehead, down to the nape of his neck, curling there. Ohno turned his head and kissed Nino’s hand, and Nino just nodded ever so slightly. He couldn’t do anything else. It was uncomfortable.
But then he arched uncontrollably off the bed when Ohno’s fingers brushed something inside him. Ohno looked alarmed.
“I’m okay,” Nino said shakily, “it felt good.”
Ohno didn’t look entirely convinced and his fingers were still until Nino experimentally squeezed them a bit. Ohno’s expression changed to wonder and he looked down at where his fingers disappeared into Nino. Nino almost giggled at the sight.
“Do you think it’s enough?” He asked instead, tugging at the back of Ohno’s head until he leaned down again so they could kiss.
“I don’t know,” Ohno said, “I haven’t done this before.”
“Just try,” Nino concluded and also decided that Ohno’s look of uncertainty was pretty.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Ohno breathed against his lips as he removed his fingers.
“We’ll just try, okay, see how it goes, and if it doesn’t-”
Ohno silenced him with his lips again. “Okay,” he said, apparently reaching a decision, “okay. If it hurts-”
“I’ll tell you,” Nino promised, reaching up with both hands to cup Ohno’s face.
“I just need to get a, get a-” Ohno stopped talking abruptly, shy again. Nino grinned weakly and his hands fell from Ohno’s face when Ohno crawled around a bit until he came up with a small plastic pack. Nino’s fingers itched and he reached out before he had thought it through, taking the item from Ohno and ripping it open. He glanced at Ohno’s expression when he reached out to roll the condom on, but Ohno just smiled encouragingly and Nino told the butterflies in his stomach to calm the fuck down.
“Okay?” He gripped Ohno’s shoulder with one hand, the other hand tangling in the sheets when Ohno nodded.
Ohno’ hooked his arm under one of Nino’s legs, lifting it, and when Ohno moved his hips forward, Nino gave an involuntary shiver. This was it.
Nino kept his eyes on Ohno’s as Ohno nudged closer and inside, and he breathed deeply against the ache. It did hurt, but it was nowhere as bad as he had made himself believe it would be. It still stung, though, and he bit his lip.
“Touch yourself,” Ohno whispered, “I think it’ll help.”
Ohno was careful, deliberately slow and only eased inches deeper when Nino’s body relaxed entirely. Ohno kissed him so gently that Nino very nearly melted, and with one smooth movement, Ohno slid home. Nino looked up at him in amazement, his eyes prickling. It was so overwhelming, all of it.
“Move,” he commanded weakly, “do something before I split in half.”
With slow and gentle rocking, Ohno formed a rhythm that made Nino lose his breath in a mixture of hurt and pleasure and Nino knew that neither of them would really last. It was impossible.
He could see that Ohno was taking care not to hurt him with how intently the older boy was watching him. One of Ohno’s hands tangled in Nino’s, squeezing, and Nino thought it had to be his heart causing the flutters in his chest. And when Ohno let go of his hand to start touching him, it was over.
Nino had never seen stars as bright as when he came, buckling into Ohno’s hand, and by how Ohno tensed above him, he knew the same applied to Ohno. His mind felt a bit clouded, though, and when it cleared, Ohno had already cleaned them both up a bit and had rearranged their limbs so they were all tangled up.
One of Ohno’s hands drifted along his sore backside and Nino couldn’t even find it in him to blush.
“Did I hurt you?”
Shaking his head, Nino leaned forward to kiss Ohno. His fingers reached up to cup Ohno’s ears, once again.
“I wonder when they’ll disappear, maybe they’re gone when we wake up,” Nino wondered, stroking the fur and Ohno hummed in contentment, not saying anything to Nino’s speculations.
“You don’t care?” He asked, sliding one arm down to wrap around Ohno’s neck.
Ohno shrugged noncommittally. Nino squeezed him until he grunted in protest and he couldn’t stop the wide smile that spread on his face. He buried his face in Ohno’s neck, kissing the skin there, grinning. His hands slid down over Ohno’s body, groping blindly until Ohno chuckled. He still couldn’t stop grinning. This was his.
“We’re going to do this again,” Nino declared and raised his face from Ohno’s neck, his fingers dipping into the bumps of Ohno’s spine.
Ohno squeaked. “Now?”
Nino pinched him. “Not now. Sometime.”
Ohno tightened his hold on Nino, his breath evening out slightly. “Tired.”
Feeling sleep tug at his own mind, Nino smiled and breathed out contently. Ohno’s fingers came up to tug at Nino’s ears and Ohno gasped.
They both sat up quickly, touching each other’s ears and watched as they slid off their heads like butter, disintegrating to nothing as they fell down. They stared at each other, taking in their new appearances. For the first time without their ears.
Nino just laughed and kissed Ohno until they fell asleep.
*
Nino was embarrassed to above both of his ears (the remaining ones, thank you very much), but Ohno’s mother’s reaction of a lifted eyebrow when they emerged next morning was just perfect.
And he couldn’t wait to see the others’ reactions.
This was going to be a good day.
*
/The End
AN: This was supposed to be cracky and light. It’s not and before I knew, it was well above 3,000 words. Also, I know I swore up and down that I wouldn’t write stuff like this, like, confession and sex in rapid succession, but okay, shit happens.
AND this is the first time I post my take on first time sex between Ohmiya, since I tend to edit out smut when I post fics xD So, yes. And I hope I got the message across of it being short, awkward and sticky. Seriously, I hate it when first time fics make them go at it for HOURS. SERIOUSLY. They need to build up stamina first, dammit xD
A big THANK YOU to Kyon and Vanessa for looking it over :D
Someone asked me some time ago, why I out of nowhere started posting lyrics in the beginning of the fics. Well. I only post lyrics if I listen to something I feel fits. So from me to you; Do some of you actually listen to the songs I quote in the beginning of my fics? That wasn't my intention, but it pleases me if you do xD I don't blame you if you don't, I'm just curious xD
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